It means hearing a son who is mentally ill and whom had gone astray say to me, "Mom, I miss you. I wish I were there with you. I wish I had lots of money to buy you something big, because you deserve it. I realize every day that I'm away from you how much you really did for me when I was there. I know you love me." This said through his many tears and choked voice. The Holy Spirit through me said, "My gift is your voice. I don't need or want anything you could buy. You're still Mama's big boy. I love you and I always will." This said through "Mama tears" and a choked voice. I wanted to snap my fingers and make life right for him right then, but I could not. Hurt, pain, sadness, and joy all mixed together is what I felt. I realize that I am not in control.
It (Mother's Day) also means that I think on pure, hard, righteous things like asking the Lord to help me to love a child that is not biologically mine and is not always lovable and kind. It is desiring to understand why she is the way she is and why she treats me the way she does. It is going beyond my human capabilities, but using my desire to propel me before the throne to ask of God what I simply cannot do on my own. It's wanting to love when I don't feel like it sometimes. It's being real, and honest, and transparent about that because...God already knows anyway. The Holy Spirit in me says, "You have to love her because I do. There are no exceptions to the rule. See her the way I do. Come before my throne as many times as necessary to get this accomplished, because it must be. Do what I guide you to do no matter what it looks like to anyone else." I realize again, that I am not the One in control.
Mother's Day is doing the hard things like telling a child "no" when necessary and sticking to it. Reminding your child of the benefit of obedience and the lack of it is a bad spirit and leads to disgrace and demise. Looking your child who thinks that the world revolves around him in the eye and simply saying and meaning, "It doesn't. It won't ever. It's not about you. It's about Him (while pointing upward). It will always be about Him, and I think you're old enough now to understand that and get that through your head." It's about loving, guiding, and directing him though, outside of those "no" moments, so that "no" isn't as hard a pill to swallow when the time comes for that to be told. It's about knowing that sometimes the child will accept "no," and sometimes they won't, and that they will have to accept the consequences of reacting negatively or out of the character of Jesus or the Holy Spirit. They realize that they are not in control.
Mother's day for me is about this little girl that's bringing up the rear, that you've wanted to be better than you since the day she was born. You want to shield and protect her from the negativity of the other children, in the home and out of the home, so that she isn't affected by it, and her character isn't damaged. You want her to avoid the pitfalls of the other children and just life itself. You want her to remain innocent, loving, and kind forever. You want her to respond kindly and nicely all of the time, and not go through hormonal "mess" that girls tend to around her age. You want her to be a "girly girl," prissy, dress-loving, young lady forever, and never desire the dress of the world, but stay modest. The Holy Spirit says, "Lead her and guide her like you would the rest of the kids, in Jesus, keep her before the throne, teach her His precepts day and night, at every opportunity. Remember always whose child she really is, don't make this personal-to make her different than you (better), so that she won't remind you of your former days before Christ. You've dedicated her back to me, and I want you to keep My child before Me, so that I can do with her what I please. Keep setting the Godly example in front of her that I called you to, and you will have given her what you're supposed to. I will protect her if you and she will allow me, but, outside of what I've told you to do, YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL of the outcome."
I am not in control. What a concept! And so, I go before the throne for these children, as I always do, knowing this fact, accepting it (though it's hard to accept sometimes). It is a privilege to have them, it is a privilege to pray for them, they are gifts (on loan) to me, I am a steward of the biggest job that this life can offer, I am a mother, I love my very hard job, what else can I say? This is my assignment, and while it's not everyone's, we all have something we've been assigned to do. Let's do it God's way!
Thank you Lord today, for the gift of my children, the privilege to be a steward of something that you highly value; thank you for entrusting someone as imperfect as I to love, teach, and train your perfect creations. Every day is Mother's Day to me. Every day is Mother's Day to them, whether they know it or recognize it or not. I am committed to always bring your children before You, so that You can do with them what you will. I am committed to living out a Godly life in front of them, with your guidance, conviction, and prompting, because that is the best gift and example, besides introducing them to you, that I can give them. Draw them ever close to You. Fill them with Your Holy Spirit daily. With their desire to live lives for You, honor that desire and carry them through. Fulfill, with their yielding, the promises You have set before them. They are Yours, Oh Lord, lest I forget. Anything You value, I do too. Thank You again, in Jesus' Precious Holy name. Amen.